Where I Belong

You know how baseball players have theme songs that are played as they are going to bat?  Well, I’ve always thought about what my song would be. 

There was a time when “Born to Fly” by Sarah Evans was my theme song.  The song was released in October of 2000.  I was a senior in high school.  I was ready to fly.  For five years I loved life, but I was still always waiting to fly.

That song played over and over in my car until after I graduated from college and another took its place. 

2005 is what I call “the dark year”.  When I think back to 2005 all I see is darkness.  I can’t remember much of that year, but in January 2006 I started coming out of the darkness.  I was bruised, but not broken.  I didn’t have much self-esteem left, but I did have enough to land a dream job for a 24 year old.  However, the boss had it in for me.  I was hired to do one thing, but expected to do another.  I never met expectations.  Every single day I arrived at work with a pit in my stomach and everyday I left that way.  At the time I owned a Rascal Flatts CD (Me and My Gang, released in April 2006).  All day long I would play this song over and over quietly on the computer in my office.  I also played it in my car on the way to and from work everyday.  It was my theme song for the short 4 months that I worked there, but it was more than that.  I was singing for the year of darkness I was coming out of, as well as the office of darkness I was facing everyday. 

When I finally quit that job I was free.  I soon started dating Jason seriously.  Although life is still hard sometimes, there has been nothing but light since the Fall of 2006.  I haven’t really had a theme song since then.  I’ve had several that have spoken to me, and that I have loved (they are under the “Songs That Speak to Me” tab), but none that have truly spoken to the core of who I am.  That was until this song came out.  I’m sure many people feel the same way I do, but this song resonates with who I have always been.  In fact, in high school my best friend, Mindy, would always get really mad at me because I constantly talked about how I couldn’t wait to die.  I wasn’t suicidal.  I was a happy, care-free teenager who loved life, but I knew that Heaven was my real home, and I couldn’t wait to get there.  This song by Building 429 sums up my entire life.  It is the one true theme song that envelopes all the other theme songs I’ve ever clung to.  This song speaks to who I am now, who I have always been, and who I will always be.

Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I will keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong

Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

Where I belong, where I belong
Where I belong, where I belong

Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

A funny thing, I just went through my list of “Songs That Speak to Me” and I found this post - “Blessings”.  In the post I talk about how I rolled out of bed thanking God that this is not my home.  It’s always fun to find proof to the truth you speak about yourself.  =)

The Nature of God

It’s 2:30AM.  My alarm is going to go off in 5 hours, and I have a really long day  tomorrow.  To work by 9:30AM for meetings all day, then fly home at 7:30PM (central time). Arrive at the Ohio airport at 11PM and  then make the 2 hour drive home.  (I just wish I had put gas in my car before I got to the airport last week.)  So, the question remains, if my day is so crazy tomorrow why am I still up writing to you tonight? 

The answer: Because I can’t sleep.  This is the 5th or 6th day in a row that I haven’t been able to sleep.  I was up until 5:30AM this morning, took a nap before going the hangar to work on some things and here I am again, still not sleeping. 

For a little while now I haven’t been feeling myself.  I’ve been wrought with insecurity, which isn’t like me.  I’ve been unable to sleep, which isn’t like me.  I cry at the drop of a hat, which isn’t like me.  (I know what you are thinking right about now, and no I’m not pregnant.)  I’ve been eaten up with turmoil and insecurity about the future.  (The future part has to do with my job, and only my job.  Sorry, I can’t go into details.)

There have been very few times in my life when I have been truly unsure about things and when I can’t seem to find my footing.  However, I have had them and I am experiencing it again right now.  I went through some really hard times in college, but I clung to God with everything in me and He never let me down.  At the time there was a CD track that was being passed around.  It was given to me one day.  It was a blank CD, with nothing written on it, and it only had one twenty minute track on it of a guy talking.  I listened to that CD over and over and over and over and over and over again every single day for two years or so.  I burned it onto more CDs and gave it to every person who would take it.  It got me through some the darkest days of my life.

One day, I was talking to someone about it and I asked if he had any idea who the speaker was.  I don’t remember who I asked, but I do remember the person saying, “I’m not for sure, but I think the guy’s name is Graham Cooke.”  (This was around 2002.)  I searched the Internet high and low and couldn’t find anything.  (It might have been because I was spelling it “Cook”, but that’s neither here nor there.")

After a couple of years of gaining power from this word I stopped listening to it so often.  Soon, I stopped listening to it at all, and I didn’t listen to it again until tonight. 

Today was a really “bad day”.  I cried a few times, when no one was looking, and I even went and saw The Lucky One at the theater so that I would have a real excuse to cry.  (It did help.)  Then, I spent hours face-timing with Jason.  We watched the entire Thunder game together.  I had fun with him and the Thunder won, so that helped too.  But, the darkness started creeping back in as I was getting into bed.  It was 1:30AM and I wasn’t even a little bit tired.  The last thing I wanted to do was lay there with my eyes open while my mind reeled.  I started praying and the verse that was going over and over in my head was “For I know the plans I have for you…”  (I couldn’t remember the reference so I looked it up.  It’s Jeremiah 29:11.)  As I read the verses in Jeremiah that surround that verse the words from that CD that I had memorized so long ago started running through my head.  I grabbed my phone and check YouTube.  Praise God, there it was, just waiting for me to listen to it once again.  I listened to it 3 times before deciding that I needed to share it with you.  Since I’m still not even the least bit tired, here I am at 2:55AM sharing with you something that changed my life and sustained my relationship with God during so many dark days.

Because of the words spoken here I never used the words “bad” and “day” together until very recently.  You read about a bad day at the mall a couple of weeks ago and then this afternoon I heard myself telling Jason that I was having a really bad day.  It felt wrong coming out of my mouth, but I wasn’t sure why.  After that I think God decided it was time to remind me why, which is why He led me back to this place. 

This should all be on one track, so when you listen I hope you will give yourself 20 minutes and play the tracks back to back.  Please, please, please, please take the time to listen to this message, even if you have to mark you calendar and come back to it.  You won’t regret it. 

 

 

Now you can see why for almost 10 years I have kept from uttering the words, “bad day”.  “From this day on, for you there is no such thing as a good day or a bad day.  There is only a day of grace.  And some days the grace of God allows you to enjoy what is happening.  And some days the grace of God allows you to endure what is happening.”

“He is consistent, but He is also unpredictable.  You never what God is going to do next.  You always know what He is going to be like, but you never know what He is going to do next.” 

“He will never change His heart toward you no matter what you do.  He cannot be anything other than what He is.  He is a covenant-maker, and a covenant-keeper, and He is good!”

“God has not called you to do the things that you can do.  He has called you to do the things you will never be able to do in a million years.” 

“This great God that we serve will throw us into situations beyond us with no other thought than that His great heart will sustain us.”

“And that is what the desert is about.  It is about discovering the majesty of God.  Hosea 2:14-15 says, “I will captivate her heart and draw her into the wilderness to speak kindly to her.””

This word is part of why I am who I am today and why I see God the way that I do.  It is the reason I spent the summer of 2003 in Georgia, utterly alone, studying Hosea and what it meant to be in the wilderness and yet have God speak kindly to you.  

It was amazing tonight, as I was listening I started to say the words along with him and then before long I was saying all of the words before him.  I haven’t listened to this in 7 years or so, but the words are still burned on my heart.  They are the reason I left a fiancé in Oklahoma and moved to Denver to become a flight attendant.  They are the reason I cried everyday because I hated being away from Jason, but they are also the reason I trusted where I was.  I knew God had led me there and I knew He would sustain me there.  Everyday was a day of grace.  And now, once again, I am wrought with insecurity about my abilities and my place in the world, but I know that God has brought me here.  I understand that He is unpredictable, but that He is also consistent.  He never changed.  I choose to embrace where I am in life because I TRUST IN THE NATURE OF GOD. 

God is so amazing.  As my my eyes fill with tears once more, my eyelids are growing heavy.  Just as God has revealed His kindness to Graham Cooke.  He has revealed His presence to me.  He never leaves me, and I praise Him with everything in me. 

“Beloved, do not be distracted from your journey into the nature of God.  Don’t be distracted, because that is the source. It is the wellspring of all your joy, your peace, your rest, your revelation, your anointing, your power.  It is the nature of God.”

Goodnight,

 

(I know it seems like overkill to include the text version, but it’s for the people who are using the translate gadget.)

THE NATURE OF GOD

By Graham Cooke

How blessed are the people whose God is the Lord.  When you know, when you really know the sovereignty of God and His Lordship over all things – seen and unseen; when you’re able to confess Him as the Supreme Ruler over all things, and to confess that He is your Lord and you are His possession, then at that point, you are the happiest of people.  You could not get any happier.  Nothing could happen that could be so wonderful, that it could possibly be better than the happiness you have in the Lordship and Supremacy of Jesus Christ.  When you know that you are situated, that you are located in the heart of the happiest, most powerful Person ever to live, then you cannot be more happy than at that point.  When you are able to step back into His rest and live in the High Tower of His name, so that when the enemy come raging against you, he cannot find you – that’s joy!  That’s happiness! 

How blessed is he whose help is in the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord His God, the One who made Heaven and Earth; who made the sea and all that is in them; the One who keeps faith forever.  When all your confidence is in the One who made Heaven and Earth, when everything you need in life is utterly dependent on the goodness, the mercy, the kindness, the love, the grace, the power, of the One Person who is Supreme God above all gods.  When your present, and your future, and your health, and your destiny, and your life, depend totally on the God who works for weak, twisted and deceitful people, then you simply have to be the happiest people on the face of the Earth, because your happiness is built totally on the knowledge that the God who gives favor to weak, selfish people, He has given you an unshakable conviction and confidence in His ability to bring change and power to bear on your life.  Therefore, the most wonderful thing you will ever do with your life is to trust it to the nature of God - to put it into the hands of a God who totally loves you, and is deeply committed to you, and delights in helping you.  It is the most happiest feeling to totally trust the best, the most honorable, the most powerful, the most integrous, committed, and faithful covenant-maker who is also the most decent Person who ever lived – Jesus.  Being completely reliant on His character and integrity is the source of your great happiness! 

We rest in Your nature – for me, Father, You are the kindest Person I have ever known.  You are the happiest Person I know.  You are the most consistent Person we have ever dealt with.  You never change.  Everything comes down to us from this Father of Lights, in whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.  You say with absolute confidence, “I AM THE LORD.  I change not.  I AM the same yesterday, today, and forever.” 

And Beloved, we are learning to live in the paradox of God – to know that He is consistent, but He is also unpredictable.  He is consistent in His nature – you always know where you are with God, but you seldom know what He is going to do next.  But you always know where you are with God because He never changes.  When Moses said, “God, please show me Your glory,” maybe he was expecting some great light and display of power, but God just looked at him and smiled at him and said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass before you” because the glory of God is the nature of God – that God is good!  He is good!  He is unfailingly good!  He is good!  He is good!  God is good!  He’s good! He is good!  And He is never changes – He will always be good!  Yesterday He was good, today is good, tomorrow He will be good.  And it is your destiny to have the goodness of God pass before you.  He’ll never change.  You always know where you are with Him.  He never changes.  He is consistent – the most consistent Person ever.  He will never change His heart toward you no matter what you do.  He cannot be anything other than what He is.  He is a covenant-maker, and a covenant-keeper, and He is good!

Our God is consistent, but He is also unpredictable.  You never know what God is going to do next.  You always know what He is going to be like, but you never know what He is going to do next.  God has called you to see the invisible, and do the impossible.  God has not called you to do the things that you can do.  He has called you to do the things you will never be able to do in a million years.  You are not able to do what God has called you to do.  Only He can do it.  But He has called you to live in His faithfulness.  He has called you to live in His consistency.  And He will come and do all the things that need to be done.  So, Beloved, you cannot find security in what God is doing, because God commits you to the impossible.  He asks you to see the invisible.  He calls you to do the outrageous.  There is no security in that place.  There is no security in what God is doing.  There is only security in who God is.  This great God that we serve will throw us into situations beyond us with no other thought than that His great heart will sustain us.  And the answer of God to everything, to every excuse you want to make why you can’t do something – the answer is always the same.  When you look into His face and see the twinkle in His eye and the grin on His face, and He looks at you and He says, “Nevertheless, I will be with you.”  That’s all, that’s His only answer to human weakness.  “It’s okay.  I will be there.”  He is the great God who sends us out as lambs among wolves.  Why?  Because the Lion is padding by our side. 

See, what God has called us to is outrageous, impossible, and totally unpredictable.  And the only way that we will do it is because we are secure in the nature of God.  He is consistent, but He is unpredictable.  But the church, you know, is the opposite – we are inconsistent in relationships but oh so boringly predictable in everything that we do.  That’s the nature of the change that is coming, Beloved.  And the only way that we will come into that high place of anointing and power, to seize the moment, to advance the Kingdom, to swim against the tide, to go against the odds, to sail against the wind that is in the world, is if you and I are resting in the consistent nature of God.  That you and I have a testimony of what God is really like living in our hearts in such a powerful way that it drives everything.  It is that testimony that is the very essence of prophecy, the testimony of what Jesus is really, really like.  “I AM the Lord.  I never, ever change.  I will always be exactly like this.”  And we are discovering what the “exactly like this” is really all about.  Beloved, do not be distracted from your journey into the nature of God.  Don’t be distracted, because that is the source. It is the wellspring of all your joy, your peace, your rest, your revelation, your anointing, your power.  It is the nature of God.  And when you learn how to rest in the nature of God, when He comes walking within the impossible, you will be the one that gets out of the boat to join Him.  You won’t be one of those who were standing there wondering, or thinking about joining Him.  There will be this instinctive, intuitive NEED to put your leg over the side of the boat and start walking on a substance you have no business being on except that He is drawing you there. 

It is your destiny, Beloved, to walk in the nature of God and do greater things than He did.  It is your destiny.  But you’ll never get out there unless you learn how to live in here.  You’re perfect.  Beloved, you are perfect for God.  You’re perfect.  And He is going to make you perfect in His nature, stamping the image of Jesus on you. It is going to be great.  And that is what the desert is about.  It is about discovering the majesty of God.  Hosea 2:14-15 says, “I will captivate her heart and draw her into the wilderness to speak kindly to her.”  And out of that place of coming into a revelation of the nature of God for me - out of that place, God will give your vineyard of fruitfulness.  Guaranteed, hey!  See, He knows the plan He has for you, the things He wants you to accomplish.  But first, first I want you to see Me as I really, really am for you, as I am for you, as I am for you.  I want you to know Me as I am for you. 

Everyone of us needs a revelation of an aspect of the nature of God.  For me, it has always been the kindness of God.  God has been relentlessly kind to me over many, many, many years.  Kinder than I deserve.  Relentlessly  kind.  He has pursued me with kindness, to a point where every living day I expect to have an experience of the kindness of God.  I have an expectation when I wake up in the morning.  Even in my dreams, I expect the kindness of God to come.  I can’t remember a day when I was disappointed in the last, I don’t know, 10 years at least.  The thing is, I look for the kindness of God every day, because that is my joy – to see the hand of kindness coming toward me, the kind word, the blessing.  Even on the difficult days, there is always an act of kindness for me, because that is my revelation.  He is the kindest Person I have ever met in my entire life.  Beloved, He will not rest Himself until you have a revelation of what He is really, really like.  Then He has to back that revelation up with experience.  These are the things He so loves to do. 

He is faithful.  From this day on, for you there is no such thing as a good day or a bad day.  There is only a day of grace.  And some days the grace of God allows you to enjoy what is happening.  And some days the grace of God allows you to endure what is happening.  But don’t think about good and bad anymore – just enjoy the grace that is present.  And out of that grace will come an expectancy.  I know You are going to do something today.  I just want to be alive to You so that I can see it; wait for it; speak it out; live in it; experience it; worship You in it; glorify Your name in it.  There are no good days anymore; there are no bad days; just days of grace, hey.  It’s agreed, just days of grace.  And the grace of God is going to come and bring with it the nature of God, that you might know Him.  That you might know Him.  That you might know Him and rest in Him, move in Him, worship Him, represent Him.  Hey, God.

Transcribed by Elaine Mifflin

Feature Friday – Human Trafficking

I am beside myself right now.  I just finished driving four and a half hours from Dallas to Houston.  I spent the entire drive listening to podcasts about Passion 2012.  Their focus was on freedom.  They raised $3.3 million from college students that is going to fund organizations that are trying to stop human trafficking.  So, I just spent four and half hours listening about, singing about and praying for people who are trapped in slavery, and what does God do?  At the end of it all He gives me a face.  A real human who I can specifically pray for and be a voice for. 

Once parked at the hotel I walked from my car to the lobby and then straight for the elevator.  A man and a woman were also walking toward the elevator.  I dropped something and bent over to pick it up.  When I stood back up they were already on the elevator but on different sides.  I looked in the man’s eyes and he held the door for me.  I thanked him.  On my way into the elevator I looked into the woman’s eyes and she smiled at me.  My phone was ringing so I gave her a half smile, turned to face the elevator doors and then reached into my purse for my phone.  I announced into the phone, and to the elevator, that I had just arrived at the hotel.  The doors opened and I realized we were all getting off on the same floor.  The man and woman waited for me to get off first.  As I walked out of the elevator and to the right I saw them out of the corner of my eye.  That’s when I noticed they were getting off together.  I walked for a minute and then glanced behind me.  They were walking the opposite way down the hall, and when I saw them from behind my eyes were opened.  I saw a beautiful , young, dark body (over 6 feet tall) wearing a tight black sleeveless vest with nothing underneath, super short black shorts and 5” high heals walking with a middle aged light skinned man, not much taller than me, who was wearing loose fitting, light colored jeans, an old polo shirt and tennis shoes.  They did not belong together.  That’s when it hit me that she is a prostitute. 

I had just spent the past 45 minutes singing the same song over and over and praying for sex slaves around the world, and God opened my eyes to one who is just a few doors down the hall. 

I slowly walked into my hotel room, finished my phone conversation and then immediately dropped to my knees.  I cried out for her, for all who are like her.  I don’t know her story, I don’t know if it’s of her own free will, but what I do know is that she is a slave to the industry that is responsible for 85% of the 27 million slaves in our world today.  I didn’t even have words.  All I could get out were groanings that only the Holy Spirit could decipher and pray for me.  Then I asked, “Lord, what can I do?  What should I do?  Should I go into the hall and wait for her?  Should I prayer walk in the hall?  What can I do?”  Clear as day He answered, “She is not yours to save.”  Then came the me questions, “Was my smile warm enough?  Did I show her Jesus in that second that I had with her?  Did I do all I should have done?”  Then the answer, “She is not yours to save.”

I got up from the floor, sat in a chair and reflected on what had just transpired…  I have been a flight attendant for four and a half years now.  I have stayed in hotels almost as many nights as I’ve stayed at home in those years.  Tonight, the night that I spent four and a half hours listening to podcasts about this freedom movement, the night that I had the radio volume and my ipod volume on full blast, singing a song about human trafficking over and over again is the first night, in four and a half years and hundreds of nights in hotels, that I have laid eyes on a prostitute.  After a moment’s reflection I said the only thing I could say.  I said, “Okay, God.” 

 

Below is the post that I had pictured in my head while I was driving: 

“Human trafficking is on the rise.”

“…not only does human trafficking exist on the earth today, but there are actually more slaves than there have ever been in the history of humanity...”

See what the world’s done? Came to London, she's a nothing a no one, she's undone, broken dreams, stolen freedom, trapped in the night, trafficked and beaten.  All a part of an evil economy, nothing more than someone’s commodity, a precious being like you and me, a daughter a sister a somebody!

She was drawn by the bright lights, she was tied up in their lights, she worked right through the daylight, no voice, she’s a slave to the night.
27 million, like me.
That's 27 million people on this cruel journey
We've got to rise up, open our eyes up. Be her voice, be her freedom, come on stand up!

After the man left, she's nothing left, no one, no love, no one to call her friend. She's stuck in the pit of hell, she's almost sick of the smell. She's numb, she's dead from the inside out, her heart is screaming but you don't hear the shout. Who's the voice? Who's going to break the door down? Who wakes her up from this nightmare now?

She was drawn by the bright lights, she was tied up in their lights, she worked right through the daylight, no voice, she’s a slave to the night.
27 million, like me.
27 million who need Heaven’s mercy!
We've got to rise up, open our eyes up. Be her voice, be her freedom, come on stand up!

27 million, are you joking? How do we let evil get so tight a grip, watching while the world falls apart? How do we let this stuff begin? We're not bothered if this offends because you got people that can defend. But they ain't got that, they got nothing. Sometimes you gotta stand for something. Let this be the stand that gets your blood running.

Little girl don't cry, let me dry your eyes in the darkest night (you're not alone). Hold on through the storm, you're not on your own, hold on, love will come.
We've got to rise up, open our eyes up, be her voice, be her freedom, come on, stand up!

My favorite part of this video is the crowd.  The crowd is real.  They filmed this video live during Passion 2012.  You are looking at over 45,000 college students in the Georgia Dome on fire for this cause.  That is incredible!

If you want to join the freedom movement that is stemming from this you can go to this website http://72daysforfreedom.com/.  They are asking people to give $1 per day for 72 days.  There is also a petition to sign for the president to try to get him (our government as a whole) to be more involved in doing more to free slaves around the world.  There is a whole, whole lot more, but you can visit the website if you want to find out more.

 

Another good resource is Human Trafficking.  You can buy it new from Amazon starting at $2.90.  Here is the trailer.

 

Another good one is the movie Taken, starring Liam Neeson.  You can rent it from anywhere. 

 

If you’ve got time to kill, this is the video that is on the 72 Days For Freedom website. It’s long, but interesting.  I did learn how people are getting themselves into their situations.  A lot of people in poorer countries go to other countries to work.  They sign up with agencies who take them to the other countries.  Some agencies are legit and others aren’t.  So scary!

 

This matters.  Someday this could be me, or my daughter, or my granddaughter.  Please find an organization near you and get involved, even if it is just to learn the name of the organization and how you can pray for them.  Also, please know that many women who work in strip clubs get pulled into the sex trade.  Please do not support these businesses.  The porn industry… I don’t even want to go there.  Lastly, on the 72 Days For Freedom website there is a list of items made by slaves that you can avoid buying.  Check that out too.

 

It’s two hours later.  Once, while I was writing this, I heard a door slam.  I waited a minute and then slowly opened my door and looked out.  The hall was empty, but the Still Small Voice whispered, “She’s not yours to save.  Go back inside.”  So I did.

Thankful On Thursday – It’s Not About Me

This past Friday I had a life changing moment with God while I was driving home from the airport.  (You can read about it here.)  It might sound like I am being dramatic by using the phrase “life changing”, but I’m not.  Every true encounter with God is life changing.  It requires you to either move forward with Him, or back from Him.  This was definitely not the first life changing encounter I have had nor was it the last. I had another this morning. 

Since last Friday I have made it a point to physically get on my knees, face down, and pray as the first thing I do every morning.  It is amazing what 5-10 minutes will do to your spiritual posture when your physical posture is bowed before God.  It has been amazing to start every day in this manner.  However, today was different.  I got on my knees, put my forehead on the ground, tucked in my elbows and started silently talking to God.  Almost immediately, God spoke to me. 

(If you have never heard from God, for me it is like in old war movies when the code comes through and machines print the message on those long thin strips of paper.  It’s as if one of those is in my head.  I’m talking or thinking and out of nowhere a random message runs through my head.  It interrupts what I was saying or thinking, and all my attention is now on that message.  For me, that’s when I know God is speaking.  This might not be true for anyone else, but this is how God speaks to me, and it does take practice to know God’s voice from your own thoughts, but if you pray for God to reveal His voice to you, then you will start to hear Him.) 

He said, “It’s not about you.  I am not here for you, you are here for Me.”  and I realized that I have been saying things like, “God, I am so thankful for your presence in my life.  Thank you for what you have done for me.  Thank you for saving me… I, I, I, me, me, me, my, my, my.”  My eyes popped open, “WHOA!  Did that really just happen?”  I thought about it for a moment, letting the truth of it sink in.  I thought I needed God to save me because of my sin, I needed God to be present in my life because of my loneliness, and I needed the Holy Spirit to fill me so that I could have joy and peace in all circumstances…  But, it’s not about me and these things will only come when my life becomes all about Him.  WOW. 

It was heavy for first thing in the morning, but boy did I wake up fast.  After the few seconds of pondering that led to all of this I said, “God, it is all about you.  I am here for You.  Please, what can do to glorify You?”  As soon as the words were formed a video came to my head and I felt His thoughts in mine, “Share My glory though this.”  So, I got up and here I am, writing to you.

This is a video I found last Friday.  As soon as I got home from my life changing drive I looked up “pulsar” on You Tube to show Jason the example I had just learned about how the stars are worshiping God.  One video led to another and I found Louie Giglio taking individual songs of creation’s praise and putting them together so that we can get just a glimpse of what God hears as all of creation worships him every second of every day. 

This video is fifteen minutes, but I am BEGGING you to watch it.  I got off my knees this morning and wrote this post because I felt the God of creation telling me that you needed to hear it. 

If you want more, there are entire messages by Louie on You Tube that you can check out.  Trust me, you will never regret listening to a message by this man. 

Feature Friday–Why?

 

We rode into town the other day, just me and my daddy.  He said I'd finally reached that age, and I could ride next to him on a horse that of course was not quite as wide. 

We heard a crowd of people shouting, and so we stopped to find out why.  And there was that man that my dad said he loved, but today there was fear in his eyes.  So I said, “Daddy why are they screaming?  Why are the faces of some of them beaming?  Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?  I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows.  Daddy please can't you do something?  He looks as though he's gonna cry.  You said he was stronger then all of those guys.  Daddy please tell me why?  Why does everyone want him to die?” 

Later that day the sky grew cloudy, and daddy said I should go inside.  Somehow he knew things would get stormy.  Boy was he right.  But I could not keep from wondering if there was something he had to hide.  So, after he left I had to find out.  I was not afraid of getting lost.  So, I followed the crowds to a hill where I knew men had been killed, and I heard a voice come from the cross.  And it said, “Father why are they screaming?  Why are the faces of some of them beaming?  Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?  This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows.  Father please can't you do something?  I know that You must hear my cry's.  I thought I could handle a cross of this size.  Father remind me why, why does everyone want me to die?  When will I understand why?

“My precious Son, I hear them screaming.  I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming, but soon I will clothe you in robes of my own.  Jesus, this hurts me much more then you know, but this dark hour I must do nothing though I've heard your unbearable cries.  The power in your blood destroys all of the lies.  Soon you'll see past their unmerciful cries.  Look there below, see the child trembling by her father's side?  Now, I can tell you why.  She is why you must die.”

 

Video credits can be found at the end of this video. 

I listen to this song over and over every year during Easter Weekend.  However, today it spoke to me in a special way. 

I woke up at 4:30 AM this morning (to catch a flight home) and took a shower.  Usually, that early in the morning I don’t think about anything until a little later.  However, this morning as the water poured over me it hit me, “Jesus died today.”  The fact that this was Passion Week and that Easter is this weekend had been nothing but a passing thought for me so far this year.  So, when it hit me this morning it hit me hard. 

When I arrived at the airport I pulled out a book I’m reading (with Laura) about Galatians.  This week’s focus is about not letting what people think about you affect your views of Christ, the Gospel, or how you live your life.  I read it and thought about how it applied more to when I was in high school than to now.  But, as I continued pondering if I really do let the opinions of others affect me I realized that I have basically stopped having “quiet times” (time by myself everyday to read the Bible and pray) because I’m afraid of how I might be perceived.  In fact, I really don’t have much of a relationship with God anymore at all.  I devote all my time to my husband, my animals, and projects at home.  I don’t want anyone at home to feel neglected because I’m off by myself.  No one has projected this on me, I’ve just taken it upon myself.  But, it’s drawn me further from God for several years now.  It was a HUGE revelation for me.  I also thought about work and other people in my life who’s opinions do matter whether I want to admit it or not. 

I arrived at the Columbus airport and started my hour and a half drive home.  The radio station I was listening to was just starting a Louie Giglio sermon.  He talked about praising God, about how the heavens and the earth were created to praise God.  I couldn’t see it, but I could picture the slideshow he scrolled through of people with their hands raised:

He talked about the fact that as humans when something happens our hands naturally go up, when we hear good news, when we get the touchdown/goal, when we idolize another human, and even when the world crumbles around us and we cry out for help.  After Louie spoke Chris Tomlin led worship and as the song played I had tears rolling down my face.  I was admitting for the first time just how lonely I really am, and I realized that I have been keeping myself extremely busy in an effort to drown it.  (Jason and I have a great relationship, but a spouse cannot meet all your emotional needs.)  I am lonely for God.  I miss my relationship with Him.  However, rather than run to Him, I have been running the other way.  In the car today, I had a moment with God that I desperately needed, and I know that His arms are open wide and that right now He loves me.  He is not mad at me.  It doesn’t matter that I’ve ignored and avoided Him for the past several months.  I can start doing it differently right now.  It was exactly what I needed. 

Once the radio program was over I wanted to hear the Nicole Nordeman song.  As I listened I was struck for the first time by the line that says, “why does everyone want me to die?”  I thought of my reading that morning about people’s opinions and about the loneliness I feel, and for the first time I thought about the loneliness Jesus must have felt.  Everyone talks about the physical pain: the cat of nine tails, the crown of thorns, the nails in his hands and feet, but do we ever stop to think of the emotional torment? 

He was 33.  That’s three years older than me.  As a 30 year-old I miss my family, I miss my friends, I don’t want to die before I have kids… I feel like life is still just beginning.  I can’t imagine what it would have been like for Him.  One of his best friends sold him out for 30 pieces of silver.  In the midst of his hell his very best friend denied knowing him.  People were screaming hatred at him.  People spit on him.  He had to listen to the men who hung Him on the cross gamble for his clothes.  Can you imagine how low and insignificant you would feel?  The worst was when God, his Father, his only refuge turned His back on Him so that He was literally left with no one.  He had a few people who still loved him, but if you are like me you know there are times when the people in your life can’t do any more for you.  That is when you turn to God and He always answers.  Can you imagine what it would be like if He didn’t answer?  The emotional burden must have been as overwhelming as the physical burden and He carried both of them utterly alone.  How can we ever say “Thank You” enough?

I raise my hands to the who died so that I might live. 

 

All images were taken from Google.

Thankful on Thursday – God’s Name

All of my life (as long as I can remember) I have heard people pray like this, “Lord, we praise Your name.  We thank you for who you are.” and so forth and so on.  I have even used these phrases myself when I’m not sure what to say, and it’s no wonder because the Psalms are littered with verses that sound just like these prayers.  The funny thing is I never really thought about them until today.  They were just phrases that sounded good when I prayed out loud.  I believed them.  I was truly praising God for His name, it’s just that I never stopped to truly consider “What is His name?”

I am in the middle of the study Experiencing God, which I am doing with my friend Laura.  Today’s lesson is on the name of God, which is I AM.  When Moses asked who he should tell the people God is God replied, “I AM WHO I AM”.  The beautiful thing about this, the thing that somehow never clicked in my brain is that we fill in the blanks.  “Today God is my strength because I am at the end of my rope.”  “Today God is my provider because I don’t know how we are going to pay the bills.”  “Today God is my refuge because everyone is mad at me.”  “Today God is my comfort because those words really hurt.”  “Today God is my joy because life is good.”  “Today God is my peace because I should be stressed, but I’m not.  I know He has it all under control.”  “Today God is my salvation because He has saved me from the life I was living.  He has made me a new person.”  Etc… The list goes on and on because God is who He is.  He is EVERYTHING you need Him to be. 

What I have learned is that experience is the follow-up to this.  We believe these things - “God is provider.” – when we need Him to provide.  He proves himself to us by providing, and at that point we have experienced Him, which is how we gain intimate knowledge that God is provider, which is how we grow more intimate in our relationship with Him.  It’s a wonderful cycle. 

I must say that it is my belief that Jesus clearly stated, “I am the way, the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.”  I believe that God works in people’s lives even if they reject Jesus, however, you can not intimately know God or experience Him without first accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior of your life.  To know God, you must acknowledge you are a sinner and that you need Jesus’ salvation.  You must be willing to walk away from everything in your life.  You don’t have to walk away from it before you accept Jesus because He will help you desire to walk away from once He has cleansed you from it (by His death for you on the cross).  You just have to be willing. Once you give your life to Jesus, you will begin to intimately know the Father.  There is nothing more satisfying in life.  NOTHING!  Money and relationships will never provide true and lasting love, joy, peace, comfort, strength, refuge, deliverance, hope, help, confidence, redemption, and on and on.  (There are books you can buy about all the names of God.)

It might seem far fetched that you could wake up and live every day of your life with no anxiety, no worry about the future, no loneliness, no need to prove yourself, no hate toward others, no animosity, no strife, no regrets.  However, it is possible.  This is how I wake up everyday.  It’s also how thousands of others wake up everyday.  Find a Christian, a true Christian who everyday gives their life to God and who trusts Him with everything (you will know them by the light in their eyes), and ask them if this is not true of their lives.  It is true.  Jesus says “He who finds his life will loose it, but he who is willing to loose his life for my sake will find it.”(Matt. 10:39)  Meaning that if you will give up control of your life and give it to God, who has your best interest at heart, you will gain an abundant life here on earth that will carry over into heaven when you die.  Please email me if you would like to discuss further.  I am always open for questions and debate. 

The purpose for this post is to share a song.  This is probably my favorite song right now.  It’s just that after today this song has new meaning for me.  I wanted to share it with you. (Yahweh means: I AM)

Memory Verse Monday – Weeks 3 & 4

If you have been with me since the beginning, then this is the last week you will have two verses to memorize.  I have decided to show the King James Version and the NIV for all of my verses.  I know the KJV isn’t a version that many people use any more, but I like the wording.  However, I want to also use the NIV because I feel like the verses are easier to memorize.  This way, you can choose.  If this is your first week, not to worry you can just learn 2 verses per week for the next 3 weeks and then you will be caught up. 

Week 3:

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105 (KJV)

You’re word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.  Psalm 119:105 (NIV)

I personally like the KJV.  The reason for this is the Amy Grant song that came out when I was about 7.  I remember closing my bedroom door, playing it in my tape player, and singing to it really loud. 

 

Week 4:

God is my strength and power: and He maketh my way perfect. 2 Samuel 22:33 (KJV)

It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. 2 Samuel 22:33 (NIV)

 

Review:

Genesis 1:1

Philippians 4:13

 

Thankful on Thursday - Seasons

When I left home on October 12 the tree in our back yard looked like this.

I got home after dark last night, and when I woke up this morning the tree looked like this.

I couldn’t believe it.  In a matter of two weeks the tree had changed completely.  On the outside, it seems as though the tree changed for the worse, but if you know the science of the changing seasons, you understand that shedding leaves is how a tree ensures its survival through the winter.  It will reawaken in Spring and get to live beautifully again.  The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3:1 (KJV) reads, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.  This song by Nicole Nordeman is on of my favorites.

I’m thankful for the changing seasons, both in nature and in our lives.  What would life be without them?

Blessings

You have probably already read this post, but it had to be taken down for discretionary reasons.  So, now that EVERYONE is aware of our plans I am able to repost it.  It was originally posted on June 3.)

Our life is quickly changing right before our eyes.  On Saturday, May 14 Jason and I went to breakfast.  It’s our way of taking a time out together.  I had been out of town working and my parents were on their way from Dallas to help us get the house ready to sell.  For months we have been talking about which law school Jason would attend, and it was finally time to make a decision.  While we were sitting in a diner booth, 50’s music playing in the background, we decided to move to Ohio where Jason will attend Ohio Northern University.

It’s been a whirl wind ever since.  We bought our house in the middle of a remodel, so over the past 2 years we have been slowly trying to get it all finished.  Now, we are quickly trying to get it all finished.  I’ve been out of town for the past 10 days.  Jason has been working on the house every night.  We are signing contracts on Tuesday to put it on the market, but it’s not ready and we still have a lot to do.  What is stressful is that we are not only trying to finish everything, but we are trying to clean and pack and find a place for ourselves and for our animals.  And, not only do we have to sell this house, but we have to buy another one 951 miles away, close on it and get moved in so that Jason can attend law school orientation on August 24. 

I woke up in a hotel room this past Tuesday morning.  I wasn’t in a huge hurry to get out of bed, so I called Jason.  We were talking about everything that needed to be done and this decision and that.  Exasperated, I quickly got off the phone, not because of anything Jason had said, but because of the pressure of it all.  I needed time to digest everything before I could even think straight about how to begin accomplishing it all.  I threw the covers off of myself and rolled over.  As I put my feet on the floor and began to stand I said out loud, “Thank you Lord, that this is not my home!” 

Sometimes it’s nice to see life in perspective.  I am so thankful that in that instant of wanting to breakdown from the pressure, I was reminded that this is not my home.  My home is in heaven where my mansion is finished and waiting.  I get to spend eternity in a world where creation is more beautiful that my mind can fathom and where my mind is in a constant state of peace. 

Not long after I got up I heard this song on the radio.  I think it was played just for me.  I dropped to my knees and listened to it in a state of worship.  It’s a beautiful song that says, “Sometimes your blessings come through rain drops, sometimes your healing comes through tears, sometimes a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near… The pain reminds this heart that this this is not, this is not our home.”

I love this song because it speaks to anyone and everyone.  No matter how big or small our troubles seem through the eyes of this world, our God meets us where we are.  If our best friend moves away, if our dog dies, if our leg is broken and we can’t play in the big game, if we lose our job, can’t pay a bill, can’t get our weight where we want it, or if our house is taken by a tornado, it’s all the same to God.  If it matters to us, then it matters to Him. 

Please pray for Jason and I as we go through this process.  It matters to us.  I am praying that our house will be under contract by Tuesday, June 14.  That is exactly one week from the day we are putting it on the market.  Please help me pray for this.  It will be a true miracle from God when it does, and we will give Him all the glory for it.  (We will give Him the glory anyway, but how awesome would it be?!)

Blessings,

Are You Lovable?

During my three hour drive this morning I heard a song on the radio that I’ve been wanting to write about all day.  The first time I ever heard this song I was about 40 minutes from home.  As soon as it finished I tried to download it from iTunes, but it wouldn’t download because I didn’t have an internet connection.  So, I ended up finding it on YouTube and playing it over and over until I got home.  Then, I downloaded it. 

I just got to my hotel room, so this was the soonest I could post it.  If you ever feel “not good enough” then please read the words of this song or listen to it, and know that you are not unlovable.  In fact, you are loved VERY much.

 

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, "Dear God won't you please...
Could you send someone here who will love me?"
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would've stayed
And she says...
Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
'Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
"Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home"
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
"I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen, I'll tell you that I..."
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

(Video and Lyrics compliments of www.lyricsmode.com.)

 

More Like Falling In Love

I wanted to share the lyrics to a song that I love hearing.  It’s Jason’s Gray’s “More Like Falling In Love”:

Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be
CHORUS
...It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me

 

Here is a video if you’re interested:  (P.S. Does anyone else think he looks like Dexter?)