Feature Friday–Why?

 

We rode into town the other day, just me and my daddy.  He said I'd finally reached that age, and I could ride next to him on a horse that of course was not quite as wide. 

We heard a crowd of people shouting, and so we stopped to find out why.  And there was that man that my dad said he loved, but today there was fear in his eyes.  So I said, “Daddy why are they screaming?  Why are the faces of some of them beaming?  Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?  I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows.  Daddy please can't you do something?  He looks as though he's gonna cry.  You said he was stronger then all of those guys.  Daddy please tell me why?  Why does everyone want him to die?” 

Later that day the sky grew cloudy, and daddy said I should go inside.  Somehow he knew things would get stormy.  Boy was he right.  But I could not keep from wondering if there was something he had to hide.  So, after he left I had to find out.  I was not afraid of getting lost.  So, I followed the crowds to a hill where I knew men had been killed, and I heard a voice come from the cross.  And it said, “Father why are they screaming?  Why are the faces of some of them beaming?  Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?  This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows.  Father please can't you do something?  I know that You must hear my cry's.  I thought I could handle a cross of this size.  Father remind me why, why does everyone want me to die?  When will I understand why?

“My precious Son, I hear them screaming.  I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming, but soon I will clothe you in robes of my own.  Jesus, this hurts me much more then you know, but this dark hour I must do nothing though I've heard your unbearable cries.  The power in your blood destroys all of the lies.  Soon you'll see past their unmerciful cries.  Look there below, see the child trembling by her father's side?  Now, I can tell you why.  She is why you must die.”

 

Video credits can be found at the end of this video. 

I listen to this song over and over every year during Easter Weekend.  However, today it spoke to me in a special way. 

I woke up at 4:30 AM this morning (to catch a flight home) and took a shower.  Usually, that early in the morning I don’t think about anything until a little later.  However, this morning as the water poured over me it hit me, “Jesus died today.”  The fact that this was Passion Week and that Easter is this weekend had been nothing but a passing thought for me so far this year.  So, when it hit me this morning it hit me hard. 

When I arrived at the airport I pulled out a book I’m reading (with Laura) about Galatians.  This week’s focus is about not letting what people think about you affect your views of Christ, the Gospel, or how you live your life.  I read it and thought about how it applied more to when I was in high school than to now.  But, as I continued pondering if I really do let the opinions of others affect me I realized that I have basically stopped having “quiet times” (time by myself everyday to read the Bible and pray) because I’m afraid of how I might be perceived.  In fact, I really don’t have much of a relationship with God anymore at all.  I devote all my time to my husband, my animals, and projects at home.  I don’t want anyone at home to feel neglected because I’m off by myself.  No one has projected this on me, I’ve just taken it upon myself.  But, it’s drawn me further from God for several years now.  It was a HUGE revelation for me.  I also thought about work and other people in my life who’s opinions do matter whether I want to admit it or not. 

I arrived at the Columbus airport and started my hour and a half drive home.  The radio station I was listening to was just starting a Louie Giglio sermon.  He talked about praising God, about how the heavens and the earth were created to praise God.  I couldn’t see it, but I could picture the slideshow he scrolled through of people with their hands raised:

He talked about the fact that as humans when something happens our hands naturally go up, when we hear good news, when we get the touchdown/goal, when we idolize another human, and even when the world crumbles around us and we cry out for help.  After Louie spoke Chris Tomlin led worship and as the song played I had tears rolling down my face.  I was admitting for the first time just how lonely I really am, and I realized that I have been keeping myself extremely busy in an effort to drown it.  (Jason and I have a great relationship, but a spouse cannot meet all your emotional needs.)  I am lonely for God.  I miss my relationship with Him.  However, rather than run to Him, I have been running the other way.  In the car today, I had a moment with God that I desperately needed, and I know that His arms are open wide and that right now He loves me.  He is not mad at me.  It doesn’t matter that I’ve ignored and avoided Him for the past several months.  I can start doing it differently right now.  It was exactly what I needed. 

Once the radio program was over I wanted to hear the Nicole Nordeman song.  As I listened I was struck for the first time by the line that says, “why does everyone want me to die?”  I thought of my reading that morning about people’s opinions and about the loneliness I feel, and for the first time I thought about the loneliness Jesus must have felt.  Everyone talks about the physical pain: the cat of nine tails, the crown of thorns, the nails in his hands and feet, but do we ever stop to think of the emotional torment? 

He was 33.  That’s three years older than me.  As a 30 year-old I miss my family, I miss my friends, I don’t want to die before I have kids… I feel like life is still just beginning.  I can’t imagine what it would have been like for Him.  One of his best friends sold him out for 30 pieces of silver.  In the midst of his hell his very best friend denied knowing him.  People were screaming hatred at him.  People spit on him.  He had to listen to the men who hung Him on the cross gamble for his clothes.  Can you imagine how low and insignificant you would feel?  The worst was when God, his Father, his only refuge turned His back on Him so that He was literally left with no one.  He had a few people who still loved him, but if you are like me you know there are times when the people in your life can’t do any more for you.  That is when you turn to God and He always answers.  Can you imagine what it would be like if He didn’t answer?  The emotional burden must have been as overwhelming as the physical burden and He carried both of them utterly alone.  How can we ever say “Thank You” enough?

I raise my hands to the who died so that I might live. 

 

All images were taken from Google.