Life Lessons: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Have you ever had something small happen that became a metaphor for something much larger your life? 

This happened to me yesterday.  My brother and I were out with Brinkley.  I started jogging with her toward Shane, and as I got closer I could hear him yell something, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying.  Once I realized that he was yelling, “YOU DROPPED SOMETHING!” 

I stopped and turned around to look.  As soon as I saw it my heart sank.  It looked dead on the pavement.  How could I have forgotten it was in my pocket?  I ran back to it, reached down, picked it up and turned it over.  

My heart, and my stomach, sank.  My phone was shattered. 

My case had broken several months ago, and at first I was very careful with the phone.  I always set it down gently.  I always carried it gently.  I always made sure it was in a secure location.  I babied it to make sure nothing would ever happen to it.  But, like most things in life, nothing did happen, so I began to get complacent.   Jason and I had talked about getting me a new case several times, but we never made a move to actually do it.  Also, I secretly liked how well it fit into my back pocket, so I didn’t push it. 

Weeks turned into months, and I started dropping it more often.  I would forget where I’d put it.  I would it toss it onto the couch or the bed.  I just started getting very comfortable with it…too comfortable.

This is why my heart sank when I saw it.  I knew immediately that this accident was 100% preventable.  If only I’d gotten a case for it.  If only I’d cared enough about it to remember that it was in my shallow hoodie pocket before I started to run.  If only…if only…

I left the screen protector on to try and hold the glass in place and to protect myself because if you touch it you will get glass in your finger.  (Just ask the girl at the AT&T Store.)  Then, I went to the store to get the protector of all protectors, THE OTTERBOX.  I am very lucky that my phone still works.  This is just a surface wound that can be replaced.  But, the wound is still there.  It’s enough to have taught me a lesson about how important it is to protect my phone no matter what the cost.  Here is my phone in it’s new protective gear.  It’s damaged, but it still works. 

I know I’m being dramatic, but it’s because God gave me a valuable reminder though this.  He reminded me that we have to be very careful of how we treat the people in our lives.  Just like our phones, our relationships are fragile.  At first, we take very good care to not do anything that could harm the relationships that are important to us, but as time goes on we get comfortable, and we get complacent.  I’m reminded of a sermon I once heard.  I can’t remember the pastor or even when I heard this, but I remember him talking about a couple who had gotten a divorce.  The husband was totally blindsided and confused because out of thin air one day his wife just declared that she wanted a divorce.  The wife was livid that he acted surprised because they had been having problems for years.  The point the pastor was making is that they were BOTH at fault.  He was at fault for not paying attention, and she was at fault for not explaining to him, in a way that he could understand, that she was unhappy. 

I think as humans the more comfortable we are with people the more comfortable we are at being complacent.  I am reading a book called Making Your Husband Feel Loved, compiled by Betty Malz.  Twenty women share their stories and I am learning a lot from it.  One woman shared that we should  always treat our husbands like we treat our company.  This is because we would never talk to our guests the way that we talk to our husbands.  (I think this probably goes for kids too.)  She explains that women (and men, but the book is by women for women) need to learn that of all people to be nasty to and criticize, our spouses should be the last.  We need to treat each other with kindness and respect.  I think this is very good advice and I am doing my best to live by it.  (It’s a small section of our phone cover, if you will.)

(This picture is linked back to Amazon. I promise I’m not getting kick backs for it.  It’s just a good book that is an easy and enjoyable read.)

In closing, as I thought about my phone, and all of the shoula, coulda, wouldas, I was reminded to not let the same thing happen in my marriage that I let happen with my phone.  I need to fight everyday to keep my marriage healthy and in tact.  I need to do the same with my friends and my family.  It doesn’t take much to shatter a relationship, just like I shattered my iPhone.  I hope you don’t put off protecting your relationships either because, as humans, we will put it off until it’s too late and then all we will be left with are the shoulda, coulda, wouldas.